I feel fortunate that I am physically able to type this post tonight. You see, as the title implies, I endured not only a mental hell on Sunday, but a physical hell as well. 

As some of you may know, I spent this Sunday with the Xangan super power "Roadlesstaken". There were other passengers on this hell train as well and I can hardly wait to hear their accounts of what transpired. AncoraImparo (a LOVELY,and enchanting young lass) ,toadywonders (a soft spoken observer, who possessed a quiet confidence and charm) but they are only bystanders in this story; the man we all know as "Roadlesstaken" is the true antagonist here, so lets focus on him, and to effectively do so, we should start from the beginning.

Alex (roadlesstaken) and I had been planning to meet up for quite some time. Finally, we settled on a date that would work with both of our schedules. He suggested Arlington Cemetery, on Sunday, as a place to get together, and I agreed. We exchanged numbers, and I was genuinely looking forward to our meeting.  Then, Sunday around 3am, I receive a collect call from guess who? ALEX!!!!! A recording came on and said something like "This is a collect call from the Fairfax County state prison, will you accept the charges? Hesitantly, I accepted. This is how the conversation went down

ALEX: Hey jooooohhhhhhnnnnyyyyy. I'm in a tight spot, buddy. I need a solid.

ME: Alex?

ALEX: YEAHHHHHHH. It's A to the LE XXX mother fucker!!!!

ME: What the hell, alex? Are you wasted?

ALEX: Your FACEEEE is wasted?

ME: That doesn't even make sense. What's going on?

AlEX: I'm in the slammer, dipshit. The big house, the clink, the iron box.....

ME: Okay, okay, I get it. Why are you there, and what do you want from me

ALEX: Knock Knock

ME: Shit. Who's there?

ALEX: A man who needs $3000 bail

ME: FUCK, alex. okay, give me an address, but I need this money back, Okay???

ALEX: JOHHHHNNNNNEEEYYYY, BUDDDDEEEYYYYY. I'm good for it. Has the A-Man ever let you down before???

Me: We've never met

ALEX: but I mean, like, on a spiritual level?

Me: Stop talking.  Give me an address and ill be there as soon as I can.

ALEX: Ahhhhhh, I got badgers in my belly

I will spare you the rest of this conversation, but in summation, he gave me the address, I went to the bank and drove two hours to the Fairfax county jail, only to discover that he had made bail 45 minutes prior to my arrival. Fine.  I drove to a Motel in the area and decided to catch a few hours of sleep before I had to show up at Arlington Cemetery. As I said, there were other Xangans showing up to this meeting and I really wanted to meet them. I lost all hope of Alex showing up, but the show must go on.  I found a Motel, rested up a bit, and at the appropriate time,headed out to the cemetery. 

For those of you who don't know, Arlington Cemetery is home to all of our country's greatest fallen soldiers. A place of reflection and respect. Well, I am standing at the visitors center with the other two aforementioned Xangans, enjoying a rather pleasant conversation, when a primer black/rusted, 1970's  Camero rips right up to the front door of the visitors center, blaring LOUD 80's music on the radio, screeches to a halt, and out pops, guess who? YEP, ALEX! Mother fucking Roadlesstaken!!!  He throws his Keys into the air and shouts out " VALET THIS SHIT, BITCHES!!!! Luckily, Jan (AncoraImparo) grabbed the keys and parked his car in one of the closely located parking garages. Smelling alcohol and hooker vagina on his breath I immediately became alarmed and suggested that we move our meeting to another location; the zoo.

Toadywonders lured Alex into his car with the promise of "Bolivian Fun Dust", the one thing Alex demanded, and drove him to the D.C. Zoo where we all met up. Jan and I were waiting at the entrance when Alex, escorted by toadywonders and another respectable young lady (cindy) arrived. Alex immediately took control of the situation, slapped me hard on the ass, and shouted out "TO THE MONKEY HOUSE, MOTHER FUCKERS." Terrified, we all went along. He then started rambling on about some Korean bathhouse he frequented that offered "Full Ding Dong massages" as long as you knew the password. When I asked him what the password was he pulled down his pant's and said "here's the password, you candy ass, cock holster. I nodded in agreement and continued walking. Halfway to the monkey house Alex looked at me and said "what did you say, bitch?". Confused, and scared out of my fucking mind I said, "Huh? What? Alex? I didn't say anything! To which he replied, Oh yes you did, mother fucker! It's go time!!!  Knowing I was in deep, DEEEEEPPPPP shit, I screamed out "DUDE, ALEX, WERE COOL!!! WE"RE COOL MAN!!! My words fell on deaf ears, and he came at me like a coked up spider monkey.

Next thing I knew, Alex was standing in front of me in a fighting stance, claws out and mouth foaming! And then....well...then...Ughhhh, maybe I should just show the pictures. Here's what happened next.

So, all I know is after that, I woke up in a hospital. Apparently I have quite a serious concussion, several broken bones, and an empty wallet. 

Thankfully, AncoraImparo, toadywonders, and Cindy were there in the hospital when I awoke. Otherwise I would have thought the entire experience was one hellish nightmare!. So, I would like to thank the three of you for being there and supporting me. Don't worry: We will get Alex the help he needs and the world will be a better place. That being said, my time at the small Xanga meetup was enjoyable. I met a few really, really cool people; including Alex. I'm sure that with a little bit of..uggghhh....professional guidandance and time, we can all meet up again, and ALL (ALEX) have an enjoyable time!

@AncoraImparo

@toadywonders

@Roadlesstaken

Hello you beautiful fuckers! Just wanted to post a quick update. Some of you may remember that I posted a Vlog a couple of months ago asking you all to ask ME questions. Well, you did your part and then I dissaFuckingPeared. (yes....real word...dissafuckingpeared...don't look it up..I assure you it is very real).  I would like to officially apologize. I sent out mass invitations to a "fantastic" Vlog party, then turned off my lights, locked up the house, and rolled right out of town.

Dick move. Not a command; a statement. That was a "Dick Move". Ready for some good (or bad, if you're one of the many who think i'm a disgusting human being) news???? Well here it is- I will be posting my answer Vlog in 2 weeks. You see, I am meeting up with Alex (roadlesstaken) this Sunday and he is going to help me edit my response video in a way that will make me look really, really cool. He has NO idea that I will be soliciting his services....(insert your own joke here) but I will be, and he will comply...or else he will be buried under a roadlesstaken!!!Lol...giggle giggle 

No. No, that's true. I WILL kill him if he does not agree to help. Where are we meeting up you ask? A very appropriate place for the aforementioned plan to transpire. We are meeting up at Arlington Cemetery in D.C.  That is where I will charm him into being my low cost (free) video editor. So, If you are going to be in the D.C. area on Sunday, May 6th, and will not ruin my plans, feel free to meet up with us (I know that guy is a cereal killer. Yes cereal. Has anyone seen Captain Crunch lately???? I don't buy the nice guy act for a second.) Annnnnnyway, that's the update. So....hang in there. Continue to love me for a few more weeks, and it will all pay off in the end. Okay??? OooooKay!!!!

Now, just for reading all off this gibberish here is your reward. Three pictures. One of a kitten,  one of me shirtless. (the shirtless pic is for Theodan) And one of my beautiful dog Sullivan! Enjoy!!!