Wednesday, 10 October 2012
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Tricks To Seduce A Woman!
Hey, fuckers. Are you having trouble getting the girl of your dreams? Of course you are. Why? 'Cause you're not me. Well, my failing friend, I have good news and bad news. The BAD news is that you will never be me. The GOOD news is that i'm a brillant lover, and can give you a few tips to get you going in the right direction. Lets get started
1) Girls Like Assholes.
That's right. Nothing get's a girls heart pounding more than an asshole. SO, here's what you do. Next time you see a beautiful little tart on the street, walk up to her, pull down your pants, spread your butt cheeks, and show that lady your asshole! For extra impact, you can draw an arrow on each of your ass cheeks pointing right to the hole. NOW, she may seem offended at first and walk away;Perhaps, even run. That's okay.You just wiggle your way down the street screaming "LOOK AT IT!!!!!!YOU LOOK AT IT NOW!!!!!!!! Believe me; you chase her down for a couple blocks, and her heart will be putty in your hands!!!!
2) Girls Love Bad Boys
Oh yeah, and believe me:The rumor is true! But don't take my word for it; try it out for yourself! Next time you pick up a girl for a date, instead of bringing her flowers, bring her a brick. Ring the door bell, and when she opens up the door, hit her right in the fucking face with that brick. Not TOO hard, though. Just enough to confuse her. Now that you have her all dazed and punchy, tie her up and rob her ass blind! Wave a gun around too if you have one. Spray paint her walls, break some shit up, and log onto her computer and illegally download some music! Yeahhhhhh! NOW you're rollin' like a bad boy,baby! This girls is gonna love you like sunshine!!!!
3) Play hard to get
Everyone knows that a woman wants what she can't have! If a woman thinks you are "unattainable" she will be ALLL over you!!!. BUT, how do you give off the impression that you are unattainable? Worry not! This process is easy like Sunday morning! Simply buy a ticket to Peru, purchase 25 kilos of hardcore, uncut Peruvian black tar heroin, tape the heroin on the OUTSIDE of your clothing, go to the nearest airport,then attempt to walk through customs. At that point, the friendly customs personnel will take care of the rest! Before you know it, you will be SO FAR off the fucking grid, Carmen Sandiego will be wondering where in the world YOU are!!!! Talk about unattainable! Her panties well be DRIPPING like Niagara fucking falls for you! AND, the more time you spend locked away in a Peruvian prison, getting ass raped, and sucking dick for cigarettes, the STRONGER her desire for you will grow!!! How AMAZING does THAT sound????
Alright, winners, I'm afraid I have given you all the help I can. I would love to keep going, but I need to keep a few tricks of the trade for myself. I have faith in you, fuckers. Take this information, give it your own little spin, and you will find that in no time at all, YOU TOO will be a smooth, slick lady killer just like me. Best of luck!
So what do you think ladies? Pretty phenomenal advice, right??
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Comments (51)
eh.....
That is the most phenomenal advice evaaar!! But in fact, I like nostrils much better than assholes >.<
I think Iv'e just fallin in love!
Lmao. Amazing advice and great use of visual aids! Great job helping out your fellow assholes!
just reading this makes me need to change my panties
I don't rec very often, but this is worth it! funny stuff
Don't just take his word for it. Apply it yourselves and see the magical results.
I'm laughing my head off because you just reminded me of a Reggae song that I wrote (as a joke, of course). It was entitled, "Don't stick nuthin up yer poop shoot.... except yer girlfriend's tongue." The chorus was, "Love me, love me, Jamaican style, my poop shoot's clean so stay a while."
Yes, girls love a sweet asshole. ::still laughing:: My son was not happy about playing the guitar for me whilst I sang this ditty.
Good grief dude.You crack me up.Hey,maybe that's what Obama needs to do to get the woman vote.Next debate,turn to the camera and drop those drawers.
Yes! Your advice is phenomenal!
I like the carmen sandiego reference. Yep, that's exactly how you got me hot for you. That and the unicorn porn you starred in.
Very funny, entertaining to say the least. Though you have to some large extent streched the truth.... nearly enough to see through it. The basic principals do work like a charm. Just one thing, women HATE for men to know these truths about them. They will DENY<DENY<DENY any validity.
Just take it a little less intensely, and almost any guy, can have almost any woman, wondering why she finds him so attractive. Especially when there is nothing special like $$$$$$$ about him. Always remember that while she's dancing with you she's lookng over your shoulder in search for her next victim. Still if you never show her your "sweet good guy side" she will most likely never get over you, and will repeatedly fall for the same tactics over and over again. You must also realise, this doesn't always work on women who are WAY out of your league already. If you're a sweaty porker, and she looks like J-Lo , you'll do better to ply your tactics on a woman closer to your station in life.
"Peruvian black tar heroin" - This explains so much!
The hardcore and uncut part I already knew.
Awesome advise.! :) ahaha
Exceptional. You really nailed it. :p lol
This made me laugh so hard... thank you!!!
#2. Absofreakinlutely.
This may be the best advice ever presented.
I'm in loooooove !
*swooning*
I obviously have been doing it all wrong. Thanks for the tutorial.